Keystroke Journal

Today's news of Dolly Parton's passing caught my attention not only because of her fame but also from learning that she was the primary caregiver of her husband who passed away last year in March. One of the things Dolly mentioned after her losing her husband was she neglected her own health which has taken a toll on her life aside from a broken heart syndrome that eventually caused her demise. This has resonated immensely on me because I was once my husband's caregiver. For 7 years, with his last 8 months spent in hospice at home, my own health issues slowly creeped in, too. Did I regret it? No. I would even do it again in a heart beat! However, I might had been more intentional when it comes to my own health. Just like Dolly, I prioritized my husband's health over my own and I was always in survival mode. Nearly the end of his last two months, while still caring for him, I was diagnosed with the capital C and had to undergo surgery immediately to remove the enlarging ...

 "All This I Did Without You" (an excerpt of Gerard Durrell's letter to Lee McGeorge written on July 31, 1978) All this I did without you; This was my loss. All this I want to do with you; This will be my gain. All this I would gladly have forgone; For the sake of one minute of your company. For your laugh, your voice, your eyes, hair, lips, body, And above all, for your sweet, ever-surprising mind Which is an enchanting quarry; In which it is my privilege --- to delve. Backstory: Gerard had travelled the world and have had been in different places, seen a thousand animals and nature in amazement, but admits that all these experiences are futile because he had no one to share with his passion; through his letter, he expressed that being with Lee is far better than any of his first-hand travel escapades. This last part of the letter spoke millions to me. I've had my own share of traveling but only one of them was I able to share it with my hubby. Just the same, that on...

You don't know me. I don't know you either except that you're one of the lead characters in SP. Anyway, t he real reason why I'm writing is to let you know that I came across your Patreon platform. So, you are also a storyteller among other things!  The moment I clicked play for free and heard your voice, I cried unexpectedly. It's because it brought back memories to the core. At those times when I had difficulty sleeping, I would ask my now-late husband to tell me stories. Without hesitation, he made up stories to put me to snooze-mode, literally. He had a sense of humor so there were times that instead of me dozing off, I would be wide-awake because we were laughing at his antics! Just the same, if he knows that I really needed to rest especially after a long day at work, he intentionally shifts his voice to low, soothing, and tender whispers. Too bad, I couldn't remember his stories because, of course, I was already in dreamland even before they ended! I w...

I have never imagined myself to be so enamored by a TV mini-series until watching Seeking Persephone. I came across SP through a platform which has been showing snippets from the film in my social media reels. Out of curiosity, I told myself I might just watch it to give myself a break.  At first, I thought it was just a one-time movie but after realizing it was a mini-series, I convinced myself to give its first episode a try. Well, as it turned out, I watched the entire movie in one sitting to finish all four episodes in less than four hours! And the truth is, I still can't get over it after binge watching it. Since then, I've been hooked! I've rewatched it over and over again for the nth time --- yes, nth because I've lost count on the number of times I've seen it considering that I just recently joined the bandwagon almost three weeks ago, to be exact. After rewatching it, I could see more nuances and have been connecting the dots to unfold the hidden emotions ...

What is it with today? First, I scheduled a lab work near our place. For some reason, there was moderate traffic en route so I ended up using another route. My appointment was at 7:45 am and it was already 7:35 am. I arrived at 7:42am and while still at the parking lot, I already checked-in to ensure that I’ll still be on time. Once inside the lab, I waited for a few minutes and when it was my turn, I found out that the doc office hadn't done any orders into the system yet. So, I had to cancel it. I called the doc office, of course, they’re still closed because they open at 9am. I just left a message. Next, I went to Walgreens because there are pending medications I need to pick up. Google says it opens at 8:00 am. I arrived at 8:01 am and there’s a man standing outside waiting for the door to open so I parked nearby and  I waited inside my car. By 8:11 am, the store door automatically opened. I got off my vehicle and I got in the store, headed toward the pharmacy only to be told t...

Hubby transitioned a month ago due to his lingering neurological disease. It was expected but never did I imagine to see him at his lowest point, in his skinny, bony body. It was a sudden transition from respite to just a couple of days at home. I don't want to remember him that frail. I want to remember the beautiful years we had together as a couple, with him as a witty, loving, and God-fearing person. I don't know what lies ahead for me that my caregiving duties are now over. I don't even know what else to write except that he's sorely missed. At the same time, the LORD reminded me that He is sufficient in my life. I just have to cling on Him.

I was summoned to attend a jury duty a month ago.  The night before my scheduled date, I was instructed to call the court circuit for instructions. To my surprise, our group was told not to report, but to call again the following day after 5 p.m. The next afternoon, I followed the instructions and called back. This time, the automated voice announced, “All must report by 7:30 a.m.!” That night, anxiety about the unknown kept me from sleeping well. I woke up early and, after my usual morning routine, left home by 6 a.m., wanting to allow plenty of time to find the courthouse. Navigating with GPS, I reached the county's court circuit for the first time but finding a parking spot proved to be a challenge. The garage I initially thought was for public use was, in fact, off-limits, so I had to circle the area searching for available public parking. Eventually, I discovered that the open lots nearby were designated for public use, though parking came with a fee. I chose a spot close to t...

 Caregiving is not for the weak of heart. I'm saying this because I'm right now one of the millions of family caregivers whose been juggling with a full-time job and caregiving. This is in relation to what I previously posted about my loved one in this LINK Hospice. The word itself puts a negative connotation of life nearing its end. At one point, it is something to help my loved one transition from this world to eternal life with no more pain. On the other hand, it is something I dread not to experience because of the heartaches that it will leave behind. I am grieving of the thought that he won't be with me anymore for more years to come but only for a few more months, if not for just a few more weeks. I still want him to be around but I know it's just a matter of time that I will lose him and it breaks my heart. At the same time, it also breaks my heart to see him in his vulnerable state. It's exhausting but I'm the only person who can do this for him. In the...

We're not even in the middle of the year yet, but a lot of things have already transpired. Three hospitalizations, two emergency room visits in between and one rehab facility stay. No wonder the saying “be present in the moment” is so often repeated—time truly does pass by quickly. Once a moment is gone, there’s no way to turn back or relive it. As this neurological disorder progresses, the only thing that is constant is the steady, irreversible decline it brings. 

The first half of year 2024 has been a challenging year for me and my hubby, who's been living with a neurological disorder. I had to find ways on how to monitor him at home while I'm at work. At first, I thought leaving him on his own while ensuring that I leave and come home early in a structured manner was good enough. He also has his smart watch and smart mobile phone to connect us instantly. Prompt video notifications from our front door also alerts me of his plans to go out. For the first few days, it worked as expected. When I'm at work, I get a chance to see whether hubby is out or inside the house. Then, one time, when I got home, I saw our garage wide open. I asked hubby if he's aware of it. He said he only stayed home the whole day and never got out. I reviewed the videos in the hopes of finding out what took place with the garage door through our front door's smart doorbell. In one of the videos, there's grainy movement at the far right side where on...

Recently,  hubby and I were both on the way to the post office to another building on campus when this fall incident happened. It was so sudden that I could not even catch up to block his way. We did not realize that he skipped a step until it was too late and there was no handrail that he could at least reach out to keep him from falling quickly so he lost his balance --- four steps going down. He hit his face (left side) hard on the concrete ground. At first, he could not get up because of the impact and he got confused about what transpired but bystanders helped us. Security personnel came along and the first responders were immediately there to give him first aid.   He was assisted inside the nearest building where they let him sit in a corner, because he was too weak to carry himself, to assess his condition. He obtained abrasions on his left forehead, left cheek, the bridge of his nose, and his left nostril. He also had abrasions on bot...

The offer: A one-week free stay at a nearby beach hotel in the southern-most part of FL The catch: To get there, it's either hubby and I fly or we take the road. Since it was a last minute invite, plane fares have soured at least double its regular price as compared to reserving in advance. For us, we only have a couple of days left to purchase the tickets. The cost is insane knowing how it was a few weeks ago. The only resort then was to take a road trip. The challenge: I'm the only capable driver for a straight 16+ hour drive which is impossible for someone whose companion has some health issues to be concerned for! The solution: In order to lessen stress and road fatigue,  Hubby and I decided to do things one at a time. It took us two nights in staying at different hotels and three days on the road before arriving at our destination. We did the same thing heading back home. All-in-all: It was 10 days. We were on the road for three days and two nights while we stayed for s...

This is the first time that I have been in three meetings at three different buildings on campus while managing to go to my office which is in another building! From my office, which is Bldg. I, I went to Bldg. II to attend to what I thought was only an hour but ended up attending it the whole day. With the breakout sessions, from Bldg. II I went to Building III. While on a break, I went back to Bldg. I to check my office before heading back to Bldg. II. By lunch time, I have another meeting so I left Bldg. II to go to Bldg. IV. Before heading back to Bldg. II, I went back to Bldg. I to take care of the forefront. Most of the afternoons were spent at the meeting in Bldg. II before heading back to Bldg. I. What added to the overwhelming walks was the rain. It was rainy in the morning but then it stopped by lunch time so when I head back to my office, I left my umbrella before attending the meeting in Building II. To my surprise, it rained again once I left Bldg. II! I was soaked by the ...

It was Thursday morning. Hubby was still suffering from a bothersome health issue that caused him to wake up late. He was sluggish but he still wanted to go with me. I was anxious but agreed to have him onboard. It was almost 6:30 a.m., which was already late, when we headed for work. My mind was rushing with different scenarios that might come our way: the heavy traffic, the unavailable parking space, and my 8:00 a.m. class. Lo, and behold, what I feared the most, happened! Murphy's law took effect with the heavy and long-standing traffic that caused us to arrive on campus by 7:40 a.m. Since we came in late, the usual parking spot that we used to park has already been occupied. We had no choice but to drive further away from my office building. Thank God there was still a number of slots open. Once we've parked, hubby expressed he needed to go; I ended up bringing all the stuff (two backpacks, one lunch bag, one hand carry and my shoulder bag). In a hurry, I walked ahead of hu...

 I woke up this morning from a dream. In that dream, I was with some family members in what seem to be a camping site. Then, out of the blue, I felt I was led with another group of people leaving my family members behind. In that group, I couldn't recognize any familiar faces. I can only sense that they are people from all ages. Suddenly, while in a queue, I heard a voice saying to me, "You are exceptional. You have done great things in your life but you're still not done yet." Upon hearing it, I felt lightheadedness and I found myself floating with someone who was leading me away from the group. I did not feel anything except confused that I was in sort of a trance. I don't remember anything after that except when I found myself back at the camping site with my body face down on the ground and I remember mumbling, "My sister, my sister". The campers found me incoherent but I eventually regained consciousness. I was reunited with my family members and I ...

What was it with June 4, 2022 that almost everyone had their own celebrations? Maybe it was because spring is almost over and summer days are in the horizon. Or, maybe because after two years, we can now go out and socialize again. Whatever it was, our day was hectic! It was one Saturday afternoon with three back-to-back events. I couldn't decline any invites because I promised to be around in their events not realizing all three will be held on the same day and time. Event One was a baby shower/gender reveal party held in Washington, DC. It was simple yet a meaningful gathering of family and friends. Hubby and I never really got into the details of the party because we had to leave early to attend to the next event. Of course, we made sure that we were full before heading to the next destination. Event Two was a memorial service of one of hubby's relatives who lost her battle from the capital C. It was held in MD. It's been years that we have set foot in her place. Family ...

It's the 22nd of the second month of the year 2022! This day is the only 02222022 day of all times! It turned out to be popular because of its one-of-a-kind numbers. Well, there is also a reason for me to remember this day because of what I have truly experienced today.  It started at almost 2 PM. As always, I was busy at work and had too many things in mind when out of the blue, I got a text from the dentist's office. I thought it was the usual survey thing that they send after each dental visits. However, there was something in me that prodded me to look at the details. It says, "Once at the parking lot, give us a call 15 minutes before your scheduled visit." It still didn't sink in to me. Why am I getting this message when I know nothing is scheduled for the day?,  I thought. As I scrolled back to see the previous message threads, I realized that it was for my husband's dental follow-up! I immediately called the dental office and apologized that my hubby ca...

 It's back to in-person work these days. And, yes, I still dread the commute but there's one more other thing that I don't look forward to --- meeting toxic people who try to control me at work. In my attempt to be helpful, I end up the most vulnerable yet least appreciated person to these toxic people. Well, we cannot really please everyone but for what I thought I was doing the right thing, I have been perceived as the antagonist. I wish this will end soon but I also know that there is always a reason why certain things happen. I have to admit that it's exhausting and exasperating on campus but I will not let these incidents affect my family life nor my spiritual life. This is just work and these are part of my job role. At the end of the day, I chose to go home and be with my loved ones without giving them any work-related burdens. Still, I lift up my eyes to the one and only Author of Life. For 'my help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth' (Psalm ...

 A year and a half has passed by and everyone can see and feel changes in the air as we return to work. Well, as we head back to work face-to-face, we have to comply to wearing facial masks, social distancing, hand washing, getting vaccinated, daily health assessments with weekly T3 shield testings. It has become a part of everyday routine along with the usual traffic caused either by constructions in the roads or the plain crowd during rush hours. Metro DC has never changed. It actually got worst in the roads that I usually commute. Reckless drivers are just waiting to outrun those who are careful in driving. The moment I leave the house, my stress level rises up due to the fact that I don't know what will happen on the road that day. The same thing goes true when I leave work to go home. As long as I am out there on the road in DC, I have to stay alert and keep my guard on especially when I have to change lanes. But no matter how much I drive carefully, accidents still happen. An...

Prologue: I found this attachment in my inbox which I sent to myself many years ago -- maybe it was intended for future posting but it took me years to discover it until now. The event might have been out-dated but the experience and the memories are still fresh ... South Lake Tahoe Highlights (October 7-11, 2008) One of the places that I've been to in America and fell in love with is South Lake Tahoe. Ever since I could remember, I've always wanted to live near a lake or a bay. I like the beautiful mountainous scenery that surrounds it, as well as, the calmness of the lake. It has an ambiance that refreshes me whether it's morning, noontime, afternoon or at nighttime – it's picturesque! For somebody who loves nature, the South Lake Tahoe is a place to be in. It was papa who was on the drive wheel while mama and I busied ourselves taking pictures of whatever breath-taking scenery we came across. During our stay, we experienced the four seasons of the year. It was summer...